I don’t think it’s gonna get better anytime soon, and I’m scared

It’s been more than 100 days since our lockdown due to the Coronavirus pandemic, and we’re getting left behind by most of our countries. It doesn’t even matter if they’re 1st world or 3rd world. What matters if their leaders care enough to do something, just a little bit for their countrymen.

I’m sorry. Don’t expect any inspirational, motivational, or uplifting words from this post. There won’t be any. This is just me writing the shit out of my brains out because I couldn’t get any sleep and I just have to vomit all the words through prose. 

Despair. That’s what I’m feeling right now.

I’ll just list all my worries here and see how it goes:

1. Coronavirus
2. Terror law has been approved
3. Anyone can now be arrested even without due process
4. You can’t speak anything against the _______________________
5. Traditional jeepney drivers are still not allowed to run, even if they’re safer than airconditioned transport. They’re going hungry.
6. The economy is crashing
7.  _______ won over HK
8. _________ probably will go after the Philippines next
9. Millions of our countrymen are going jobless and suffering
10. OFWs around the world are going back here in the Philippines without any income
11. Schools won’t be back to normal until God knows when
12. Other countries are going back to normal and I’m jealous as hell
13. I’m juggling 4 jobs at the same time to keep my finances stable. It’s better to be safe than sorry, and as the main “breadwinner” of the family I have to do my best. 
14. My grandparents are getting old, and weaker by the day. I don’t know when I’ll be able to see or even hug them again. Fuck coronavirus.
15. I’m annoyed at our nosy neighbors who still try to go inside our house without any fucking masks on assuming they don’t have any virus and think everything is back to normal
16. Until when would this be over?
17. Besides the virus, our fascist _______ are treating everyone like crap so they can stay in power
18. Sometimes I think _______ purposely want to keep the virus in the country so they can keep us, hostage
19. I want to die but can’t because I have a little one to take care of until he’s strong enough to live on his own
20. Most nights I can’t sleep so I just stay up till the morning, and wait for the following night when I’m so tired my body would just tire itself to sleep

By the way, if you’re new here. I’m diagnosed with Bipolar-2, I cycle from mania to depression, sometimes rapidly. And right now, I thought if I didn’t write everything in my head down, I’ll implode.

How are you?

I wonder what July 5, 2021, be like?